confessions of a single coptic woman

i've been avoiding this topic or speaking exclusively about this on my blog for many reasons. however after having so many conversations with people, i think it is time i addressed this issue from solely my perspective with some input from conversations ive had over the past month or so. as always i would like to keep my blog as positive as possible because i feel that we tend to just look at the negative side, however im not going to make this another rosey 'God has a plan' for you type of post. While I firmly believe in God's plan for us, I also believe that some issues need to be addressed.

so yes, i'm over 30, single, Egyptian Coptic American. I'm proud of my status. Our community puts pressure on people like myself asking 'what happened? why aren't you married yet? you're too picky' and hear a whole load of unsolicited comments about my single state. every wedding is a nightmare because you are met with these comments and because you're not married, you get seated with much younger people since all your friends are married. okay i cope and move on...

then i watch CTV--the coptic channel...where i hear bishops and priests talk about this impending 'crisis' that there are so many single women over 30 not married and that the church must get to the bottom of this. hence, there is a convention sponsored by one of the diocese entitle something like 'struggles of a single coptic orthodox christian' for single copts 30 and over. I was told I should attend and when I looked at the flyer my reaction was 'you gotta be kidding me'.

I appreciate that the church is trying to help us over 30 single folk get married, but im kinda sick and tired that the single status is being treated like a disease. It isn't a crisis, it is just a reality that many of us decided not to lower our standards to marry just anyone, we didn't rush because we were focused on our careers and studies and one thing, we refuse to get married to a guy that just wanted to use us as a ticket to America. There's nothing wrong with that and instead of being treated like that we have leprosy, we should be treated with respect. We don't need to be reminded every second while in the church that we need to get married and that there is something wrong with that and because we're single it doesn't mean we don't have lives.
I recently have taken up photography as a hobby, it's great...it doesn't define who I am, but it definitely adds a fresh perspective on life. There's more to life than just getting married and having kids. I really think that everyone has a different path in life and it just so happens that the issue of marriage is delayed for me for a reason only God knows.

Again I appreciate the efforts of the church, but I wish it wasn't so reactionary. We need to have more social gatherings, but not with just getting all single people into one room. Many of us have life balance issues or could be looking into getting into another career field. Focus on that...focus on our spirits that that we are not reminded every second that we are the outcasts...priests shouldn't be asking every second 'haaa fee haga gadeeda?'...I will let you know if there is...but for now...leave everyone alone...give us the spiritual support that we need instead of scrambling to be matchmakers (which most often than not tends to be disastrous...everyone is good in the eyes of a priest).

I have to say while I do struggle a lot, I'm also extremely thankful. You'll hear many people like me say that. We are not in unhealthy relationships, nor are we stuck with someone that we dont want to be, and we know what we want. I'm thankful that God has give me the opportunity to do things in life like travel and serve. I know my path is different than others, I just ask for support instead of just stating the obvious. Believe me when I say, God protects and God knows exactly what we are feeling. It's normal to lose hope, because our culture does a number on us...we have a tendency to look at what others have and not focus on ourselves. Because so and so got married at 25 and has 3 kids by 32, doesn't mean I am the same. It's also saddening when I hear our younger generation like ages 8-10 say that people must get married by 25. I know 25 is old in their mind, but what are the parents teaching them? It's the same attitude that has put our mature single community stereotype that there's something wrong if you're not married by a certain age. We need to instead educate our kids about how God is truly in control of life and that not every Egyptian is meant to be a doctor, lawyer, engineer, or a pharmacist (with all due respect to those professions). We have to stop putting everyone into a box because the reality is--people are living outside the box doing different things, getting new degrees, traveling the world to serve and learn from different cultures. So I refuse to succumb to the uneducated mentality that my goal in life is to just get married. The goal in life is find my way to eternal life, so my way is different than yours. I respect yours, so respect mine.

in conclusion, i welcome new ways of making the single life more acceptable in our community. it shouldn't be a moseeba, but rather something that people should be proud of. For my single community of friends---i know we will continue to have great conversations and be a support to each other. For my married friends--I love you as well, but please be more understanding and empathetic. To the church--don't be reactionary...be supportive...