Has it been almost a year since I actually posted something on this blog? yes. I want to dedicate this post to my year of photography in 2013. It hasn't been an easy year. A lot of ups and downs and I would like to share my journey.
This time last year I bought a new camera...the Nikon D600...it's a wonderful camera however as I entered 2013 I was plagued with the oil/dust spots on the sensor, so most of my photos from 2013 were riddled with dust spots making it more time consuming during the editing process. However I didn't allow that to stop me from clicking that shutter button (although it's a metaphor for how my year was like, filled with spots but I kept going). At the same time I was listening to online podcasts from professional photographers about making new photography goals for the new year. One of the goals focused on finding yourself and your photography niche. What kind of photographer are you? I still consider myself a hobbyist photographer yet I haven't explored all type of photography to choose one.
The beginning of 2013 I went to the Texas Monastery where God painted awesome scenes for me to capture. Honestly, that's what photography is about for me...capturing God's beautiful creations. I was later encouraged to frame some of my photos from that trip for a church fundraiser called Art in Heaven. This event is sponsored by a Coptic church in Jersey City where they showcase and auctioned off Coptic artists creations. Two of my friends encouraged me to enter my photos for this auction, however I refused at first because I lacked (and still do) the self confidence in my work. I don't think i'm good enough nor will I ever be good enough to compete with others. I'm not a competitive person and always shy away. However this wasn't a competition yet I was still resistant because I still thought I lacked the talent. It wasn't until the 11th hour before the event (literally a week before) when a friend asked me to put things into perspective. The auction was a fundraiser for a church and it wasn't about me, it was about my contribution to the fundraiser. I still wasn't convinced but anyway I ran around for about a week like a crazy person attempting to get my photos professional framed and printed. In the end, 3 out of 4 of my pieces were actually auctioned off and that night I cried because I really didn't realize how much my view of the world made a difference. I thanked the two people who stuck by me and literally forced me to get over my fears and shortcomings.
After the Art in Heaven auction I got a boost in self confidence and all of a sudden I wanted to go out there again and just keep shooting....and then the unthinkable happened. Someone stole my photos and reposted on their instagram account (without my permission and without credits)--the account claimed to be selling the photos as well. I was beyond angry, hurt and more than anything I felt so violated. All of a sudden I couldn't take pictures anymore because of this deep hurt and violation. What alarmed me more is that many people around me didn't think it was a very big deal and that I should have felt honored that someone would 'steal' my work. Um yeah no. For several weeks I had a very difficult time taking pictures....I didn't want to anymore because I was scared. The boost that I had received from the auction was gone...I just couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't until several weeks later when I stepped outside of my house and looked up and realized that I can't allow one person to hold me hostage to not taking photos. Again, I started again but I felt like I was at square one again.
In the middle of all of this friends were encouraging me to start my own business....but I never answered that question from the beginning of the year....what kind of photographer are you??? The 'I don't know' to this question has been a little frustrating for me.
At the end of May 2013, I went on a family trip to Hawaii and honestly I was blown away by the scenery. I wanted to take pictures every two seconds. I believe this trip helped me truly heal and helped me get back into the groove of things. There were some amazing scenes. Hawaii is a photographer's paradise. Yet once again, those stupid oil/dust spots reappeared on my sensor, so my 2000 + photos until today have not been edited as a result of pure frustration....
I realize that photography requires patience and one does not become a great photographer over night. I decided that mobile photography is a great way to show how ordinary life can be viewed in extraordinary ways. I mean many of us walk outside on a daily basis and stick to our routines not noticing the sky, the ground, trees, clouds, cars, or how rainy weather can actually be beautiful. I've been taking photos with my iPhone and posting via Instagram to highlight this. I haven't abandoned my dslr camera and realize I should take more with my dslr for practice in manual mode and being more creative with my camera. If anything mobile photography allows one to highlight a rather mundane day into something not so average. I applaud people who look up and see different cloud formations as something beautiful, or document a sunset....it helps us look away from ourselves. To be honest, this has been very therapeutic for me.
Throughout 2013, I was asked to take photos for various church functions. Yes, for me this is huge because I am a FEMALE and I am limited in terms of movement in areas where females are not allowed i.e. the altar. However those who asked me to take pictures of events didn't see that my sex was a limitation and it was refreshing. I took photos at a prayer ceremony for Persecuted Christians at St. Patrick's Cathedral in NYC. For me, I think this was the highlight of my year. I love St. Patrick's Cathedral, I used to spend every Catholic Good Friday there as a little girl (and then I would attend the Coptic one). The architecture of that cathedral is breathtaking and really I feel one can take refuge and solace in their search for God. It was a huge honor for me and really a challenge since I did have limitations in movement. Thankfully I rose to the challenge and again it forced me to find creative ways to convey the service....all I had to do was walk around and show my perspective. I owe my confidence to do this from my own church congregation. Photographing major feasts and giving me access (except to the altar) helped boost my confidence that I CAN DO IT. I thank the priests and the entire congregation for allowing me to perhaps push my way so that I can get the right shot...and give a fresh new perspective of our church and not limiting me because of my gender. If anything photographing church services gives me a fresh perspective of how I see God. I see things that I would not have ever seen just by standing in the congregation. The holding of the censor, the way the body and blood of Christ is dealt with reverently isn't necessarily seen by the entire congregation. To be able to shoot this has increased my understanding of the liturgical life of the church.
With all of that said, I still ask myself. Where do I go from here? Do I start a business? What kind of photographer am I? I still do not have answers to these questions, however the experiences from 2013 have helped me grow and overcome the obstacles. As of now, there are no oil spots on my camera sensor, but just as there have been a bunch of spots throughout the year, it won't stop me. Every time I say I CANT, somehow God sends me someone, something, some event with where it becomes I CAN. I hope to share more of the world's beauty in 2014 with more depth. But I need to say a huge thank you to those who have stuck by me, who have fought with me tooth and nail and made sure that my lack of self confidence in my photography wouldn't get in the way of continuing glorifying God with the talent He gave me.
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